Not the titties!

Tattoos: I have them and love them. You probably have one, yourself. Of all types of tattoos, there are two kinds that are particularly tragic: poor quality tattoos and the dreaded titty tats...

This gal is lovely-ish. I like her bangs. I like her eyes. I don't know what to say after that. She has "dimples" my very least favorite piercing of all time. Here, I begin to sound like my mother, "why would such a beautiful girl punch holes in her face!?" I love lots of facial piercings, this is just not one of them. This brings me to the chest piece. My fiance, personally, hates chest pieces on the ladies.He'll say, "Somebody, PLEASE think about the TITTIES!" The decolletage is so nice and part of what makes a gal feminine and soft, so he's just not a fan of covering that area with shit.

This one is a little different. Regardless of the content, some of this girl is still visible. Martha says it's "a good thing." Just don't cover it all up, pretty ladies.

Anime titties. Where to begin? Although I have many tattoos in various locales, this is not my first choice. A) I have beautiful implants which I waited years for and prefer not to destroy and B) If you want to talk noise about my body and tattoos sagging, at least they aren't on the boobs which we all know end up tragically droopy. As much as I love gothic lolita, there is no room for cartoons on my body. Period. Someday, I will be old, and I'd like to think that my tattoos won't look childish.  So much for this sweet girl...

However, there are far more terrible things to permanently ink onto your coveted breasts:

I want to know how this ever made sense as a great idea. If you didn't want me to look at and be attracted to your breasts, you win!

When I see macabre tattoos like this, I wonder what this woman's future children will think. Enjoy looking at that while you breastfeed, little Bracklynn.

A true nerd might really get off on this pair. He can have hetero and homo sex at the same time. If he doesn't like this chick, he can get lost looking deeply into Spock's eyes. I don't know who the other guy is, and I'm not sorry.

Once again, she really wants you to look at her face instead.

Hey, I've got the most awesomely rad idea! Cover every single inch of your lovely lady lumps with Celtic nature crap. Who wants to see boos when you could see a squirrel instead?

Are you ready? It only gets weirder.

I guess this is supposed to be the "slave Leia" look from Star Wars.  It's pretty much the pinnacle of nerd fantasy, but this is COMMITMENT!  How does this heal? Last I checked, women hate painful, swollen breasts. This girl was willing to sacrifice that and show her unending respect for George Lucas. I will say, she'll be a huge hit at the Star Wars convention, but then again, any decent-looking female is a big hit at Star Wars conventions.

OH GAWD! This one looks fresh with the swelling and ointment. This hurts my titties just thinking about it.

And last but not least, the lamest of them all.

I have no words.